Holder of Mysteries


In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to see The Holder of Mysteries. If the worker raises one eyebrow, you will be led to a door with many locks.

When all the locks are opened, the worker will walk away without a word. Enter the door and close it behind you. Before you will be a room with many doors; one door for every unanswered question you have ever had. Only one of these doors will lead to a hallway. I cannot tell you what the others conceal.

If you find the correct door, enter only if you are absolutely determined. The instant you enter the hall, you will begin to doubt. You will doubt everything; love, hate, life, and you will feel that there is no reason to continue. Should you turn back, the room you left will have grown to accompany all of the things you now doubt. There is little hope of leaving this room again.

To reach the door at the end of the hall is a great feat of perseverance, do not hesitate to enter. Inside is a dingy room containing a chair turned away from you, a book, and a man reading that book, sitting in the chair. The man will ask you what it is you wish to know. At this point, you may ask him anything. I can only warn you that your curiosity may consume you, and keep you there for eternity. Or you may discover that the knowledge he holds is not meant to be known by any mortal. You may lose yourself in this very room. There is only one safe question to ask the man, "Who was phone?"

He will turn and reveal his face. His thick black mustache and unibrow will form an expression of a scolding father, and he will give you the answer you seek, "I was phone!"

The cell in his pocket is object 1337 of 2538. Now go find your honey and make out.

Categories: | Parodies |

Last modified on 2010-02-08 09:42:17Average Rating: 5 / 5 (1 votes)Viewed 4443 times

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