Beyond The Holders
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Holder of teh Hax
On all online first-person shooting games, there is a player who calls himself XxHOLDERofTEHhaxXx. He usually likes Halo 3, but he plays everything. He will not accept friend requests, and, indeed, the game seems to say he does not exist. If you come across him, he will be one of the best players you have ever seen, but he will never say anything over voice chat. Ever. If you see this player, send him a private message saying this exactly: "i wn 2 speak w/ teh holder of teh hax LOL!!1!11" If you send this message incorrectly, you will be doomed to a vague but very excruciating and long death.
If, however, you should type the message as written, you will immediately black out. When you come to you will be sitting at a computer desk on a small wooden platform. Darkness stretches infinitely on all sides of the platform, and the only light comes from the computer screen/ TV screen in front of you. On the screen, you will be playing the game you sent the message from. You will be in a blank white map, with no walls or ceiling, with XxHOLDERofTEHhaxXx in front of you and a character model you have never seen before. You are not connected to the internet, and if you check the server name you will find that it is Teh Holder's Trial.
The Holder, for that is what he is, will challenge you to a duel. You must kill him 5 times out of 9, or the platform below you will disappear and you will fall forever into the black abyss. Be warned, he is even better than you remember from the game, and at times he seems to do things that should be impossible. Defeating him will take a great amount of skill, and an even greater amount of luck. If you should manage to kill him five times, he will applaud you, and tell you you are the first Seeker to do so. He will then kill you with one shot from halfway across the map. You must not get angry - you must simply ask the question, "Why do they hack?"
And the Holder will tell you. He will explain to you every hack ever made. Every act of aimbotting, of godmodding, of wallhacks, and every other instance of hax in history. This information drives most insane, and many wish to end their lives. Should you make it through the stories, you will black out once more and wake up at your own computer desk. On your desktop will be a folder that hadn't been there before, titled "L33t".
The hax in this folder are Object HAX of 2538. They are so subtle they will never be noticed, yet so powerful you will become the best player in existence. However, you may still be kicked from servers by QQers.
Categories: | Parodies |
|Last modified on 2012-10-15 04:12:05Viewed 6532 times|