Holder of the Mudkips

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask with no hesitation to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of the Kips." The worker will say nothing, but a single tear should fall from her eye.

She will guide you to a forgotten hallway in an abandoned wing of the run-down institution. She will not enter the hall with you, but will only look into your eyes with a cautious hope, her own expression seeming to beg for salvation. Should you enter the hall, you will not see much, save for the dirty, broken fragments of what were once beautifully carved ivory statuettes of Pikachus and Squirtles. Before long, you will hear a soft whimper from the other side, crying "Fuck yeah, Seaking". Pay close attention, for if the whimper stops, then all hope is already lost. There is no use in running away.

As you turn the handle of the simple wooden door on the other side, a warm and cozy light will greet your face. You will find yourself in the bedroom of a young boy of ten and a half years. The boy himself will be sitting cross-legged on the floor at the foot of the bed, his only garment a trucker style cap, exposing the entirety of his pure body. He is the source of the tortured whimpers, and nothing you say to console him will end his torrent of stifled wails. "Fuck yeah Seaking...fuck yeah Seaking..."

Only, if you ask him “What happened when it first evolved?” he will become silent to glance up towards your face. "Mudkip...kip" he will say, whispering. His beauty will render you breathless, and if you are still capable of any thought it will be only the realization that in him you see everything in this world that you truly love. You fucking pedo. You turn him over and assrape the shit out of him. Suddenly, you will realize that the boy is bleeding from his nether regions as a grotesque blue form emerges from the orifice between his legs. The object will pulsate with its own life, and you will find that it is hypnotizing you. Do not look away, for you do not wish to try its patience. THe form will evolve, before your eyes, into a Mudkip.

Soon, the room will disappear before your eyes, and you will be standing in the most serene clearing you have ever witnessed, and all of nature’s fauna that you recognize will go about their lives around you, with no fear of anything, not even death. You'll find yourself surrounded by Mudkips.

The illusion will fade, and you will find yourself back in the room. You will find the boy lying dead on the floor, his face a mixture of agony and horror, his already decaying body feeding the now towering blue form and giving it a sinister glow.

That is object 407 of 2538. If you catch it then it will be yours, but if you let it master you then it will use your body to seek and assemble all the pieces, no matter what the cost.

Categories: | Parodies |

Last modified on 2008-04-25 09:20:00Average Rating: 5 / 5 (1 votes)Viewed 9853 times

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