The Holder of Cliches


In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of"- ...Actually, I don't quite remember. I'll get back to you on that. Anyways some sort of emotion should appear on the receptionist's face, probably depending on what the dude is holding. Something like that. If the expression is... not the one that you want, then run away as fast as you can because they know you are here and they know what you want. You'll eventually find out if you've escaped or not.

If the expression is the one that you do want, the receptionist will lead you through an elaborate series of hallways and staircases and stuff until you reach some deep, hidden part of the building with nobody else around. Oh yeah, and there are people chanting stuff in foreign languages too. Don't listen to them, 'cuz you'll go insane. If the chanting stops at any time, though, stop and immediately say... Er, I forgot again, sorry. But yeah... If the chanting continues after you say that phrase or whatever, just keep going. If the chanting doesn't continue, pray that your death be swift, preferably painless too, and make sure this prayer goes out to every god you've ever heard of, and a few goddesses too, even though none of them will be listening, I think.

Oh, I forgot to tell you! The walls are lined with cages containing... Demons? Beasts? Humans suffering cruel and unusual punishment and/or undergoing cruel and unusual experiments? It was something along those lines. Meh, it probably doesn't matter anyways. Just don't look at them, or you'll go insane. Or they'll come out and eat you (and/or your soul). One of those.

So, you'll eventually get to a door. Open it slowly and shut your eyes, I think. Or maybe you don't have to shut your eyes, but don't look at the writing on the walls. Wait... It could've been the Holder that you aren't supposed to look at. Or a part of the Holder. Yes, his eyes! Don't make eye contact with the Holder! No... It was the thing that he was holding that you weren't supposed to look at! Naw, I got it now; he's really sensitive about his acne, so don't stare at his face. Or possibly... You know what, it might just be advisable to shut your eyes altogether. Then again, you might actually need to look at something. In the mean time, just keep your eyes to yourself. If you look at something you're not supposed to look at, pray that your death be swift, as the next Seeker will find the room painted in your blood, if he's actually allowed to look at the room.

(note: I may be mistaken and you might just go insane if you look at things that you're not supposed to. That may or may not be good news depending on your personal preference.)

Back to the Holder dude, it'll either be the most hideous, repulsive, demon-creature you've ever seen, or a naked woman. I didn't write that detail down. Don't show any sign of repulsion, fear, lust, glee, anger, hunger, sadness, envy, or confusion (I'm sure some of them are okay, but I don't know which). Of course, if you're not looking at him/her(/it?), it doesn't really matter, but I'm not dragging that back up. You gotta ask the Holder something. Uh, ask the Holder... Jeez, it was an extremely specific question. How was I supposed to remember? But yeah, ask the dude the right question or he'll kill you. Or eat you alive. Or torture you, or torture your soul, or leave you alone to rot in that room for all eternity, or maybe you'll simply go insane. Just pray that your death will be swift, I guess. That covers all the bases.

If you ask him the right question, the Holder tell you a tl;dr story cataloging every instance of "x" in the history of the world, where "x" is some sort of bad thing related to your question. And you'll feel really bad about yourself because of all the bad stuff. You might go insane, you might mysteriously vanish, you might kill yourself, you might pray that your death be swift, but if you can endure this story, the dude will give you...

Okay, look. I haven't actually gotten this far, okay. I'm just going off of what other people said. Don't judge me, okay? This object will give you some sort of superpower or curse, yada yada yada, you wake up in front of blah blah blah, either completely unscathed or with some sort of supernatural injury or maybe just a generally disgruntled outlook on the world, et cetera, et cetera.

This object is number I-don't-give-a-crap out of 538 (or maybe 2538). Remember to take notes when being told something important, or pray that your death be swift.

Categories: | Parodies |

Last modified on 2011-04-01 11:34:49Average Rating: 4.27 / 5 (11 votes)Viewed 26601 times

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