Beyond The Holders
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The Holder of Parodies
I wanted to write for your website, but I don't know how. Could you provide me with a template?
Sincerely, James Hampshrew.
RE: Dear theHolders.org
Dear Mr. Hampshrew,
I would usually simply send you to the page The Holder of Cliches but it appears that all of our slots for stories have been filled up, which is odd since I just deleted about ten stories. If you'd like, you may wait a few days as I rummage through all the new stories and delete most of them before you start, or you may simply write another form of story. If you'd like to write a story you've made up by yourself about the series, simply do that, and the rest of us will insert Jack into it to make it better. However if you have a funny side, many of us here do not, you may write a hilarious parody on the series. I have enclosed a guide on how you may write one.
(NOTE: Simply fill in the words or phrases and you are ready to go!)
The Holder of [Funniest thing you can think of at this moment]
In any city, in any country, go into a [hilarious or awkward place to be. Anything where people are in the nude is acceptable]. Sitting at the front desk will be an [Any animal or personified body part will do], approach with a [sexual emotion of your choice], and ask to see "[same as title]". The clerk will then [Extremely sexual, but also funny, action. Use your discretion]. Do not look at them, instead, [Right here I'd recommend searching on 4chan, and taking a joke from there]and move towards the exit. If you make it to the door without hearing a sound, consider yourself lucky. If you hear a [Bodily function, the dirtier the more lols it will create], turn back. The clerk will now be on your side of the desk. Offer your own hand, he or she will take it, and lead down a corridor.
As you walk down the hall, the clerk will release your hand and [Youtube “Gay Homo Man” for good ideas for this part]. You will know you are close, when you start to hear [No matter what you choose to put here, do not use proper spelling or grammar, that will simply distract from your own unique brand of humour] If the noises cease, quickly say [Did you know that the word “Fuck” is a very funny one? Use it here a few times], if they resume, you are safe.
If you reach the end of the hall without being [Use some form of death here, be very graphic, to the point that it's funny. If it's still not funny, just go into more detail] you will meet [ Did you know that 32% of the funniest things involve animated penises? Don't fight the current!] Now ask them [This is the perfect time to point out that 86% of all statistics are made up, yes it's a lame joke, but I know you were thinking it.] he will reply by [Rape, and no you don't get to have other options. Make sure to say 'OMGROFL' at least once.] and hand you. [The object you choose must be thematically relevant to the rest of the story or the story as a whole will be deleted]. You will wake up outside the establishment.
The [Object] is object [Any number of any number, but remember the bigger it is, the funnier it is!] . [Insert a Non-Sequitur here. Not that you even know what that means. Now wait for those view to sky rocket as you keep refreshing the page!]
Don't ever try.
Categories: | Parodies |
|Last modified on 2009-07-09 17:06:50Average Rating: 5 / 5 (1 votes)Viewed 7136 times|