Beyond The Holders
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The Holder of SEVEN DAYS
This holder is very dangerous and will most likely kill you, but if you think you're straight (or stupid) enough to face her, then you may take this challenge.
Go to any strip club, it doesn't matter where, and ask to see the holder of Seven Days. The clerk will give you an unmarked VHS or DVD or some shit, depending on what you have at home. Go home and watch the tape. When the phone rings, answer it. When the voice says, "Seven Days", you must reply, "Not on my watch": This will distinguish you from others marked for death.
Day 1: Your first priority is to find a weapon that suits you well and can be used an unlimited amount of times. That means nothing breakable and no guns except tasers. However, the weapon must be capable of killing.
Day 2: Train with the weapon as much as you can. You will notice everything around you is just a little bit darker than before.
Day 3: Take the weapon to the shop where you bought it and ask for an upgrade. The clerk will take the old weapon and give you a weapon much like it, but larger, heavier and in some cases sharper, but always sturdier, to the point of unbreakability.
Day 4: Watch the tape again. When the phone rings, do not let the voice say "Three more days", interrupt it with "I'm coming for you!" The voice will whimper and the phone will hang up.
Day 5: Call the number 1-234-567-1337 on your phone. The voice that answers will offer you a condom, but you must say to it "I'm sorry, but I must do this alone"; This step is crucial, for if you have help in confronting the holder, you cannot gain the object.
Day 6: Go to any place you can get to that has microscopes. Ask to use one. Now, take a slightly sharp object and slice your pubes hard with it, so that you have a few hairs in your hand. Slice off a piece of this tattered hair, with the piss on it, and look at it under the microscope. On it will be inscribed a short poem. Memorize this well; write it down if you must, you will need it.
Day 7: This is the day you have prepared yourself for. You will notice the 'upgraded' weapon you bought now glows, and everything else around you is dark as night. With what little visibility you have left, go to the TV where you watched the tape and sit in front of it, being sure not to forget your weapon. And make sure it can be used in an instant. A little girl with very pale skin and a huge rack in nothing but a bra and white panties will crawl forth from the TV. She will look up at you with pleading eyes, but do not return her gaze. Instead, attack. She will disappear and be replaced by JB. Defeat him, lest you be rendered gay and trapped in your own stiff penis like all his other victims. Once you have defeated the gaylord, the little girl will appear again. You must defeat her as well. She will use a variety of unconventional battle tactics - very bloody and dangerous ones, too - such as Pedobombs and gaysaws. If you survive the battle, put down your weapon, kneel to look in the girl's eyes and sow your oats (yes, you pedophiliac little creep) while repeating the poem. She will begin to glow. When you pull away from the hug, she will smile at you and hand you a small black boob, saying that she no longer needs it. Be careful in handling this boob, as the homosexuality contained therein is enough to corrupt even the mightiest penises, and it may or may not give you crabs.
The dark boob is one of many objects not in the same category as the Objects, but rather help the seekers lose an object. When and how you will use the boob is unknown, as are how many other 'helper' objects exist, but you now possess one. Hopefully, you will know when to use it.
Categories: | Parodies |
|Last modified on 2012-09-29 06:09:51Average Rating: 5 / 5 (1 votes)Viewed 7061 times|