The Holder of Significance

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution of halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to see someone who calls himself “the Holder of Value”. Should a look of unfathomable horror cross the worker’s face as they proceed to disembowel themselves with their own hands, a corridor will emerge directly behind them, which their body will fall into. If this doesn’t happen, go directly back where you came from, as fast as possible, without looking back or stopping for anything, or else just pray that your death be swift and / or painless.

Upon seeing the corridor, a deep sense of dread shall permeate your entire body, telling you to turn back immediately. This is your last chance to do so, so if you feel as if you cannot work through these feelings, go home and rejoice that your health and sanity are still intact. Otherwise, brace yourself and walk down the spiraling corridor. The further you get, the stronger your feelings of doubt will get, until you start questioning the reason you decided to do all of this in the first place. Whatever you do, do not turn around or waver or your fate will make the most horrific torture in hell seem downright pleasant.

The dimly lit corridor will begin to get darker and darker until it is impossible to see your own hand in front of your face, but continue on in the same direction. Should, at any time, you hear the sound of choking, gargling, and / or screaming, you must scream out “I seek my true purpose and nothing else!” Should the sound persist, well, sorry, because you’ve just doomed yourself to an eternal punishment involving hungry demons, incontinent mental cases, never-ending voices screeching at you forever, and a number of other things that would kill you would you not be forced to live through the entire ordeal.

Eventually, you will come to a large door of indeterminate material with an odd inscription in a language you do not understand. You need not knock or try to open the door, for it fling itself open, allowing you inside. Upon entering, you will see an old man sitting in a chair behind a desk, a contented smirk across his face. Do not stare, lest you anger him into subjecting you to horrors so ghastly that even describing such acts could completely destroy even the strongest soul.

If you follow one rule, nothing you can say or do will have any noticeable results or elicit any result from the man except for this question: “What’s the point?”

At first he will laugh heartily, brushing the question of as if you’re joking. You much repeat the question until he realizes you are serious and stops laughing. At this point, an expression of unbridled rage lasting about 1 nanosecond should cover his face before his familiar smirk returns. He shall respond with a number of things unrelated to either the question or your quest, going off into unbearably long tangents. Most seekers grow so confused and fearful by this point that they choose to end their own lives. Many more simply go insane, while others fall into a near comatose yet still conscious state, doomed to listen to the man ramble for all eternity. The worst course of action one can take, however, is to attack the man, for doing so will result in one being flayed, beheaded, dismembered, disemboweled, then finally chopped up into tiny pieces and being swallowed by the man, feeling the harsh acids of his stomach for all eternity.

You must listen to his collection of thoughts carefully, not interrupting until he starts talking about loved ones. By this point, his smirk will turn into a wide grin and out of the darkness he will usher the one person or living organism you love the most. The man will then ask you if you really want to know what the point is, while your loved one (or numerous voices in your head) pleads and begs for you to say no. Doing so will result in you blacking out and waking up sometime in the past with your loved one. It will be your happiest time with that person and you will wish for the moment never to end. You are not safe, however, as they know of your cowardice and will not let it go unpunished…

Saying yes will cause the man to take your loved one and violate them in countless ways, beating, defiling and taking advantage of them as brutally as possible, before murdering them in the most dreadful, horrifying way you can possible imagine (or can’t, for that matter), involving ripping at their flesh with his teeth and plucking out their eyes, nails, strands of hair, limbs, etc. until they are nothing more than a bloody pile of intestines and body parts on the floor. Before they die, they will tell you the point (or lack thereof) of your actions leading up to this point, and no matter what you hear, you will be filled with an incomprehensible guilt and sadness as you watch them being torn to pieces, their watery eyes fixed firmly on you. The tone of their words will not be accusing, insulting, condescending or questioning, only sorrowful and informative, making you feel even worst.

After it is over, assuming you haven’t gone completely mad or killed yourself, the man will pick a random bone from the pile of your loved one’s remains and hand it to you, congratulating you on finding the object. At this point, you must shout “You are not the true holder!” and ram the bone as hard as you can between his eyes, and nowhere else, lest he survive. Looking closer at his body, you will realize that the person is you in about five years (yes, even if you are female. Sorry to tell you, but you’re going to age horribly).
Once the imposter is dead, the true holder, the corpse of the worker at the halfway house or mental institution, will rise from beneath your feet (it is suggested that you move during this) and give you a warm smile, pulling you into a tight hug.

Their body will become unbearable hot against yours, and they will smell horrible, but you must embrace them as you would you greatest loved one (you know, the one you just helped to kill). They will decay as they hug you, and once they pull away, the sight of them will be enough to shatter your mind if you’re not prepared. They will kiss you on the lips and hand you a small container, whispering lovingly in your ear “Thank you for your effort. Although it was all for naught, it is much appreciated.”

They will then knock you over the head with the nearest blunt object they can find, rendering you unconscious. You will wake up the next morning in your bed, your head throbbing, with the container by your side. Inside it is a mysterious shining object and a note written in an unrecognizable language. Somehow, you will be able to understand the note, which reads “What is it all for? Who but the foolish would go through so much for so little?” After reading the note, you will then notice that your loved one’s head (or the remains of it) will be mounted on your wall, barely recognizable. No matter where you move the object, the face will always stare at it, following it as intently as possible.

This Object is Object -1 of 2538. When confusion reigns supreme, will you have an explanation?

Categories: | Parodies |

Last modified on 2010-06-13 21:41:45Viewed 5273 times

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