The Holder of the Remote

In any city, in any country, go to any Bed, Bath, and Beyond you can get yourself to. When you reach the first checkout station, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of the Remote". The clerk will raise her eyebrow and motion for you to follow her as she leads you to a door at the back of the store. You would think it strange that you never noticed this gleaming blue door with the word “Beyond” written upon it. Nevertheless, open it and walk through. You’ll have stepped into a room full of shelves cluttered with unnameable objects. Ignore these devices and continue walking to the desk at the back of the room. Stand there for 5 minutes until a man with risen gray hair and a blue store uniform pops out from behind the counter. He will identify himself as Morty, God of Death.

The only thing you will be able to ask Morty safely is “What do you have that is different than the others?” Morty will jump from behind the counter and lead you to a very high shelf. He will raise himself up and grab a blue remote with a silvery sheen. Do not touch the remote or you will die on the spot from his inescapable gaze. Instead, tell him “You have my word that I will not abuse my power.” He will hand over the remote. Take it and leave the way you came.

The remote is Object Emo of 538. You control your life, but do not let it control you.

Categories: | Parodies |

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Last modified on 2012-10-15 04:03:07Viewed 6900 times

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