The Holder of the Ride


In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. Walk to the front desk and say to the clerk, “I wish to see he who drives whilst he drives.” The worker will look stunned, but will soon be overcome with joy. He or she may high-five you, hug you, chest bump you, or any number of things. You must match his or her enthusiasm. Failure to do so will result in your destruction.

After an indefinite period of jubilation, the clerk will calm down and lead you to a broken-down car. The car could have any number of horrific malfunctions. Some of these range from odd to those that will cause you to go insane. If you do go insane, you will be driven insane again, causing you to be insane within your own insanity. Brave the horrors of this car as the clerk points out its every flaw to you. After they are finished, you must take the keys from them, get in the car, and begin to drive.

No matter what direction you drive in, you will eventually reach an enormous garage. Inside will be a crew of car specialists. With their aid, you must pimp out this car. You must give it an insane paint job, incredibly loud speakers, and as many TVs as you possibly can. If you miss even one opportunity to make the car over the top, you will be destroyed.

When you have finished, the clerk will enter the garage. Upon seeing his or her new ride, he or she will likely burst out in jubilation as they did when you first met them. Once they quiet down, you must ask them the question, “why must They drive whilst They drive?” The clerk will tell you, in horrifying detail, why They demand the convenience of driving while They drive. The tale will likely drive you mad, but you must hold onto your sanity as the clerk hands you a glass orb with another glass orb inside of it.

These glass orbs are Objects 51 and 52 of 538. Yo dawg, I heard you like bringing them together, so I put an Object in your Object so you can bring them together while you bring them together.

Categories: | Parodies |

Last modified on 2009-04-10 19:11:28Viewed 3730 times

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