Beyond The Holders
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The holder of the noob
In any city, in any country, go to bed as usual. If you are (un)lucky enough, they will come by themselves, and there's nothing you can do to stop them. If they are on their way, you will have unspeakable nightmares, but the worst is yet to come, the nightmares can't hurt you. Soon enough, you will be woken up by demonic screams. "NOOB NOOOOOOOOOOB NOOB!!!!!" The intensity of these screams will be so extreme, it will surpass everything you have ever heard in your life. Not only will it be louder than a thousand helicopters starting, the sound will be such an unpleasant one that if feels like your ears are being stabbed with knifes. Eventually, this will wake you up. Most likely, it will put you in a state of great confusion, beware, if you fall down or run against a wall, your suffering will only increase. You will notice that the horrible screaming won't stop, no matter what you try to do. Trying to block your ears is futile, as the sound will pierce every material known to man. The only thing you can do is sit through this and suffer. The screaming may stop in the night, but it will start very early again, not granting you much sleep. Many go insane at this point, starting to harm themselves accidentally or not, desperately trying to defend themselves from the sound. But the worst thing you can do is trying to fight them. You will not see them if you look, the sound just seems to come out of nowhere. But they will know if you desire to harm them, and your suffering will increase to such a level that your death is inevitable. If you manage to survive this torture for several months, you may start seeing them. They may look harmless at first, some would even consider them to look like regular animals, but don't be fooled; they always have body parts they shouldn't. They may also start screaming a second sound, which is not as loud as their original one, but just as painful and they will start switching between them. This one sounds somewhat like "IIIIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIIHIKKIIIIIKIIKIKIKIIII!!!!!!!" Try to keep track of them. They will seem to disappear, but the screaming won't. And eventually, they come back. Try to see where they are before they disappear and make sure you remember this spot well. In next spring, you can try to walk to that spot, with something like a long stick. Beware though, if they happen to pop out of there just as you are nearing, you will annoy them. If you are lucky enough, stab the spot with your stick a few times. Should something like a nest drop out, grab the egg inside it quickly and run inside as fast as possible. The egg will look like a regular chicken egg, just smaller. Now you have to destroy it, but look out, this task is the most difficult one. There are not many known substances which can pierce through the egg's armor, but legend states that if it is bathed in sacred water from under a volcano and then quickly stabbed with 1337 ancient Katanas at the same time, it will crack open. If you fail to destroy the egg in time, you will die an excruciating death, delivered to you by the inhabitant of the egg. Or you can just hit it with a GameBoy. That works better. However, if you destroyed the egg, catch the vile liquids inside it and keep them safe. This will cause them to eventually go away, but it is uncertain if they will stay away forever.
The liquid inside of the egg is Object 1337 of over 9000. You may managed to get rid of them for now, but may the gods have mercy on your soul if they ever decide to come back. Remember the NOOB NOOOOOOOOB NOOB!!!!! Remember it well.
Categories: | Parodies |
|Last modified on 2012-10-16 11:06:15Viewed 4625 times|