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Things The Seekers Are Not Allowed To Do With The Objects

1. When I ask [[The Holder of the End]] what happens when they come together, I should not overemphasize the word "come" in the hopes of turning it into a double-entendre.

2. I should not take advantage of the fact that Objects come back to their bearers by attempting to repeatedly spend the Coins of [[Holder of Greed|Greed]] and [[The Holder of Trade|Trade]].

3. I should not encourage another Seeker to Seek both the Objects of [[Holder of Futility|Futility]] and [[Holder of Masochism|Masochism]] just to see what will happen.

4. I will not tell the Object of [[The Holder of Christmas|Christmas]] that "all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth".

5. It is not appropriate to try to acquire the [[Holder of Sweets]]' cookie recipe.

6. I may at some point when facing [[The Holder of Treachery]] need to confine it to control it. It is not, however, a good idea to keep it in a box and start referring to it as "Schroedinger's Cat".

7. I should not film my encounters with the Holders of [[Holder of Salmacis|Salmacis]], [[Holder of Devotion|Devotion]], [[Holder of Chastisement|Chastisement]], or indeed any other, in order to sell the film on the Internet, however much money it would make.

8. Others can only take the Objects by earning them fairly from me. An eBay auction does not count as a suitable trial. Besides, people get suspicious when one tries to sell an "Object of ultimate evil".

9. Making Harry Potter references about the "Chosen Seeker" was funny exactly once.

10. Regardless of the incredible levels of His power, His true name is not and never was "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue|Marty Stu]]".

11. Jerking off the [[Holder of Innocence|Phallus of Innocence]] will probably just make it mad.

12. No jeweler has any use for Legion's [[Holder of Legion|Diamond]].

13. In the off chance that I manage to earn [[The Holder of the End]]'s Object, I may not run around screaming and indiscriminately flashing it to any and all.

14. It is simply immoral to try and slip [[The Holder of Eternity|either]] of the [[Holder of Rigor Mortis|scalpels]] into a doctor's office.

15. Pimping out the [[Holder of Devotion|Daughter of Devotion]] is a bad idea.

16. Bringing up Stephanie Meyer to [[The Holder of Twilight]] is a very, very bad idea.

17. It's the [[Holder of Christmas]].  Not the Holder of the Holidays.  Get over it.

18. Although they are nice to look at, none of the [[The Holder of the Flame|flowers]] make good romantic gifts.

19. In fact, none of the Objects make suitable gifts.

20. Feeding the [[Holder of Guilt|piece of beef]] to the [[Holder of Loyalty|Wolf]] is just asking for trouble.

21. When confronting the [[Holder of War]], I should enjoy the laugh I'll get by  asking, "War! HUH! What is it good for?" It'll likely be my last.

22. Don't ask the [[Holder of Guilt]], "Where's the beef?" It only makes it worse for myself.

23. For the last time, the song "3 A.M." by Matchbox 20 has [b]nothing[/b] to do with the [[Holder of Patriotism]].

24. Bringing the [[Holder of Chance|Pair of Dice]] with me to Vegas is just plain stupid.

25. Shouting, "I HAVE FURY!!!" to [[The Holder of Fury]] is stupid [i]and[/i] unfunny.

26. While entrepreneurship is a good thing, basing my company's logo on [[Holder of the Mark|The Mark]] is not.

27. After a while, if I continually use the [[Holder of the Speed|Speed]] to leave my marathon opponents in the dust, someone is going to think something is up.

28. The [[Holder of Hunger|slime of Hunger]] is not a personal lubricant.

29. Neither is the substance in the [[Holder of Health|Syringe.]]

30. Writing [[Holder of the Seeker|Bride]]/[[Holder of Devotion|Devotion]] yuri fanfic is probably not a good idea.

31. Tempting as it may be, refrain from using your omnipresence to spy on attractive nude persons when you should be looking for [[The Holder of Observation]].

32. People will notice something is odd if I try to enter the [[Holder of Loyalty|Wolf]] in Crufts. No known breed standard allows green fur and a mutated mouth.

33. Using the [[Holder of the Soul|Soul]] for a game of marbles never works out.

34. Using [[The Holder of Redemption|Diablo and Jesus]] as wedding rings is just plain stupid.

35. It is not a suitable [[The Holder of Choice|choice]] to grab the pill and the syringe and run for it.

36. However much of a Tom Lehrer fan I may be, I cannot tango with the [[Holder of Masochism]].

37. When performing for the [[Holder of The Many|Many]], do NOT do a song and dance routine from "The Jazz Singer". They frown upon racism.

38. Making jokes about Chuck Norris looking at [[The Holder of the End]]'s object was never funny.  [b]Ever.[/b]

39. Mailing Objects to the SCP foundation never helps.

40.Neither does mailing them to Warehouse 12 (Or now Warehouse 13). [i] Jesus that mess took forever to clean. I still have that Stain on my pants. [/i]

41. Come to think of it, mailing Objects to [i]anyone[/i] never helps.

42. Unleashing snakes against the [[The_Holder_of_Gemini|Holder of Gemini]] doesn't kill him. It just pisses him off.

43. Using a crowbar to break open the slot machines to get the money to meet the [[Holder of Chance]] is probably not a good idea.

44. Just because the instructions don't say that doing something will result in horrible happenings does not mean I am automatically allowed to do it.

45. Even though I can find a Holder at "any" asylum Arkham is considered ill advised, the poor sods have their hands full already.

46. It's incredibly stupid to try "Bloody Mary" when doing anything involving the [[Holder of the Mirror]].

46a. Or "Candyman."

46b. Or "Biggie Smalls"

46c. Or "Candle Jack". Actually, you shou

46d. Even if it's [b]really[/b] funny.

47. Make all the jokes you want about all classes in Java extending Object. Or on second thought, [i]don't[/i].

48. Trying to get the [[The Holder of Treachery|Cat]] and the [[Holder of Loyalty|Wolf]] to "make nice" and be friends is not a good idea.

49. Similarly, making bonsai kittens out of [[The Holder of Regret|any]] of the [[The Holder of Treachery|cats]] is not recommended.

50. I will never seek the [[Holder of the Seven Masks|Holder of the Seven Masks]] with a Darth Vader mask on.

51. Speaking in sign language to seek [[The Holder of Babel|The Holder of Babel]] is not a good idea.

52. Despite its size, using the [[The Holder of Surrender|hook]] for fishing isn't recommended.

[[Category:Parodies]]

Object # of 538
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